This is an e-mail that I sent to Eric about a month ago. Sometimes it seems easier to articulate your feelings in writing than in person and that is why I chose to e-mail him. I thought this e-mail explained what has been happening in our world well, and that it would be a good place to start explaining the journey we are currently on. A lot has happened since then - keep checking for blog updates to get "the rest of the story".
"Dearest Eric,
We have talked a few times in the last year about the possibility of bringing another child into our home through adoption. Let me tell you a little bit about what has been going through my mind and what has happened recently.
At first I was set on an international adoption, but I began to doubt that plan because of the financial commitment. So I started to look into adopting through the foster system and discovered that we would probably not be approved because of the homeschooling and the fact that they require children to have their own room. At that point I was very upset and confused, because I had felt that God was calling us to adopt, but He had closed that door. I didn’t see how international adoption would be possible so I started looking at other ways to be involved in caring for orphans and found some information about starting an orphan’s ministry at your church that will offer financial assistance to families who are adopting. I decided that this might be what God had planned for us, but each time I thought about it I began to realize that I was mostly interested in this because it might eventually be a financing option for us to adopt ourselves. I finally just put it out of my mind and went about the next month or so.
Yesterday, I had to help with the preschool cleanup at CC. I was a little early getting over there so I started looking at the literature that CLC leaves out and was drawn toward an article about adoption. As I read more of it I realized that it was an article about how to raise the funds for adoption. I put it in my bag thinking that it might be interesting to read later or be helpful to someone else. Then last night at bible study we were talking about going into the “promised land” (the place God has prepared for us where we will receive all he has for us in a way that we just can’t even imagine) and how we sometimes get stuck wandering in the wilderness for 38 years just outside Canaan like the Israelites did because they were too afraid to go into the land of milk and honey. They thought the cost of obeying God and going into Canaan would be too high. At that point in the video I had an overwhelming feeling that God was talking to me. I really can’t explain it except to say that I felt very strongly that he was challenging me to obey, even if the costs might be great.
Then today I prayed some more about the possibility of us adopting and I asked that God would just show me what he had planned and if He had chosen a specific child for us that he would reveal that plan to me. I spent a little time looking at adoption sites and felt peaceful about the adoption process that seemed overwhelming to me a few months ago. I checked my e-mail and did a few other things and then I decided to check Lorraine Patterson’s blog (http://allarepreciousinhissight.blogspot.com/) that I hadn’t been to in several months. As I read through the last few posts I came to one that made my heart stop (see November 3rd post). I know that you will think that I have entirely lost my mind, but I cannot get the thought that this little guy is supposed to be part of our family out of my mind. Stay with me now!
I have had the very strange sensation many times over the last months as I am getting the kids ready and heading out the door, or leaving the playground or whatever the case may be that one is missing. I find myself counting 4 and having to mentally say “yep, 4 that’s the right number” because it seems so real to me that there should be another one. I know that sounds insane, but maybe it is one way God has been speaking to me?
And I can’t overlook the timing that He put together about me serving in the preschool area, getting there early, just happening to find that article on adoption that addressed the very concern that I had been having, and then putting that conviction into my heart during bible study last night. And then when I “just happened” to decide to check Lorraine’s blog today and saw that post it just all seemed too strange to be believed. I have been praying lately that God would show me his path through circumstances and it looks like that is exactly what He is doing! (Be careful what you ask for, huh?)
Over this evening I have been struggling with the potential of caring for a child with significant medical concerns. I just don’t think that I could realistically add that to my current to do list. But then something else sort of fell into place in my mind. Do you think that it is possible that God is orchestrating things for us to be able to send our kids to a good classical, private school in order to make it possible for us to open our hearts and home to more kids? I never would have considered the possibility of a classical school if it hadn’t been for our experiences with CC, I never would have been in CC if it hadn’t been for Robin, and we never would have been in the position to consider any of it without the decision to homeschool. And perhaps God allowed my recent struggles to push me to look into other educational options for our kids and led us to Regents and the other options that way? I love homeschooling and the ability it gives me to spend lots of time with our kids. It would be very hard for me to give up that part of it. But from an educational perspective and the perspective that we know they would be in a place where our worldview and beliefs would be a foundation in their education I know that Regents or another similar school would be perfect. This would be another huge leap of faith in the whole process, but I have a feeling that it is all groundwork that He has laid.
I love you very much and I am already blessed to be the mom of 4. If God has planned for that number to be more I am confident that He will make it happen!
With all my love,
Kelsey"
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